2008年6月18日星期三

《The Happening | 灭顶之灾》:烂!烂!!烂!!!


灭顶之灾


【导演M. Night Shyamalan
【领衔主演】Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo
【类型】惊悚/科幻
【公司】 福克斯
【北美首映】06/13/08
【片长】91分钟
【MPAA分级】 Rated R for violent and disturbing images.

故事:1/10
导演:1/10
表演:1/10
悬念:1/10

综合评价:F

果说《Lady in the Water | 水中女妖》标志着这位曾被标榜为希区柯克接班人的印裔导演彻底的黔驴技穷,那么中文翻译为《灭顶之灾》的这部有史以来最烂的所谓惊悚片则是“沙马兰出品”从此在观众心中永远和弱智、恶心、愚蠢、垃圾、耻辱划上等号的里程碑

片子无论从立意,从拍摄手法,从演员表演,从故事发展,从恐怖程度,从悬念设立(如果那可以被称为是“悬念”的话),这81分钟从片头到字幕开始滚动,无不充斥着狗屁不通的荒唐。

举几个例子:

(1) 片子里,空气里的毒素让闻到的人失去正常意识,但是这些人居然可以用各种奇妙和高智商的方式有创意的自杀。其实片子要像《Final Destination》一样以展示这些方式为目的的话,至少还有GORE迷们追捧;可是沙哥哥一定要把这些安上一个伪高尚的立意。我靠。

(2) 小马哥居然演一个中学科学老师,对,就是那个在《The Departed | 美版无间道》里每句话里都有N个"FUCK"的那位小马哥。我靠。

(3) 小马哥怎么也是奥斯卡提名(就靠那个FUCKFUCKFUCK的警察);所以就算他演技一流可以对付马老师这个角色吧。不幸的是,作为一名怀才不遇的人民教师,马老师被沙导生生地整成了一个对自然科学无知到了极点的弱智。
  • 马老师觉得人可以跑过空气;
  • 马老师觉得躲在屋子里会比外面更加安全,因为只要随便堵堵门缝,空气里的毒素多半进不来;
  • 马老师觉得毒素居然长了大脑,会先袭击大城市,再逐步细细进攻小镇;
  • 马老师根据科学逻辑原理从上述论据推断,5个人在一起比10个人在一起安全。
剧情描述:马老师带着身边的四个人,远远地看到另外十个人一起往前逃着,马老师说:“他们为什么走在了一起?他们完了。”话音未落,那十个人被毒风吹到,果然完了。马老师叹了口气:“让你们五个人一组,你们不听,非要十个人一组。” 我靠。

我靠,什么弱智的东西!

(4) 为了“使剧情更加丰富”,马老师有一个之前成天吵架的老婆。居然有一个男人成天缠着他老婆,而且和他老婆一起吃了顿冰激凌,他老婆始终没把这事跟马老师说。于是他老婆太内疚了。马老师气愤地对他老婆说:“你怎么可以这么对俺?!”

我靠,就这种连台湾偶像剧大概都不屑用的花边剧情也拉出来遛??

(5) 最后毒素的来源居然由一个无头无尾的电视里的访谈节目来解释。我们的沙导演连谁在看着那个电视都懒得编。我靠。

我就这样从头被恶心到最后,胃和眼睛都已经麻木,可看到最后我居然笑了,真TM烂啊!我在幻想说不定会有某些同学将来会租来此DVD,唯一的目的就是大家可以一起大肆嘲笑这一部多么烂的片子。大学里何尝没有干过,哈哈。

沙马兰99年靠《The Sixth Sense》一飞冲天,成为“名导”。然而此“名导”显然肚子里的墨水太有限,2000年的《Unbreakable》,2002年的《Signs》,2004年的《The Villiage》,2006年的《Lady in the Water》,看过这些的都知道,这些片子的质量呈一条直线下降趋势,终于到今年的《The Happening》坠到零点。

我一直在琢磨用我这个影评的标题应该写啥:“到底是谁的灭顶之灾?”,“彻头彻尾的愚蠢”,“从100到0的悲剧”,还是“从头乐到尾的“惊悚””。我最后还是决定,用“烂!烂!!烂!!!”来表达我的愤怒、麻木、无奈却莫名的欢喜的那种复杂的心情。

8 条评论:

匿名 说...

the happening的男主角不是演无间行者的马特戴蒙啦...您看混了,赶紧改改,评价的口吻那么专业,却犯这种低级错误...大笑话

老豆腐 说...

Matt Damon? 我说的“小马哥”一直指的是Mark Wahlberg啊。《无间行者》里这两位可是都有份的,Mark拿到奥斯卡提名了,Matt没有哦。

这种错误俺还是不会犯的,呵呵。

匿名 说...

哈哈哈,楼上的太有创意了,连小马哥是谁都没看懂

匿名 说...

强烈建议一楼在从新看看美版无间道,居然还说人家范低级错误.我简直无语了.无知者无畏啊,楼主真可怜,同情一下.PS.俺严重同意你的观点.

匿名 说...

下载了the happening来看 没想到大家都说得很差。。。。
弱弱得说一句。。。美版无间道里面的是matt damon。。。。我有看奥斯卡 除非是奥斯卡报错名字。
我刚刚看的时候也是认错他们两个他们真是太像了。。。。

匿名 说...

丢脸了 原来是我自己看错 真的是mark wahlberg - -入围

匿名 说...

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