2011年3月8日星期二

《The Tourist | 致命伴旅》:插着花的白开水

2010年;PG-13;103分钟

(F+)

一杯白开水,你再怎么往上插花,插N朵花,这水还是白开水。

这就是《The Tourist》。Johnny Depp和Angelina Jolie***被***整出来的垃圾。Depp船长的神奇个性完全没有,Blow/Public Enemy里的不羁也没有,有的只是一个平面得出奇的来自威斯康星的数学老师。我不知道多少人会理解这个“来自威斯康星的数学老师”是个什么概念,抛开美国农民的特点不说,此人对高档酒店,神奇艳遇,屋顶追杀,等等等等都基本上像吃饭拉屎一样既来之则安之地轻松接受,让我对此片的可信性产生了极大的怀疑 - 不管最后会有什么样的解释。我只能说,导演,你太烂。这是最不让接受的脱离现实的行为,是此片跌入烂片界的第一原因。

这第二原因,不用我说你也懂的。这Depp和Jolie两人真是对不上啊。那火花根本就是用红笔描出来的,就算是勉强打出来也都是湿的。神马爱情,都是浮云啊。

第三,作为间谍惊悚片,节奏能慢到这片这种程度也确实不容易。没怎么打仗,没怎么死人,也没什么悬念,连脱个衣服都遮遮掩掩的。我看了一个小时,就像是坐了3个半小时一样,说怎么tm还没演完呐。最后还有15分钟被我拖完了。要知道,我有耐心,烂片我通常会分两次看稀释一下,却是从来不拖的。这次我受不了了。

最后,特工Jolie的工作技能也值得商榷。出来办事一杆枪也没有,被人追着屁股后面惊悚得瞎跑,真是和Wanted/Salt里威风八面的场景天差地别。

唉,人美景美,喜欢Jolie,也喜欢Depp。本来看着Depp杯中红色的Americano胃口应该大开,但是架不住迎面给你掷来这几陀shi。给个F+是因为想想沙马兰的《The Happening》确实比这部还要更烂,所以还是在F后添个加号吧。

快一年没写东西了。这次居然花了半个小时写这垃圾。善哉善哉。

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